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Rick Robinson: In 2016, the Scary Clowns are the Ones Without Masks!

Cup of coffee in hand, I started this morning as I do most – watching the DC news. Local news in the nation’s capital is odd, because emanating from DC it often leads with national stories. At the very least, they lead with the local perspective of national stories.

In any event, this morning I stumbled to the couch just in time for the top of the hour teaser: “Coming up next, Washington Bans Clowns.”

The headline was so amazing, I did a spit-take with my coffee. This is the best news I had heard since my Pub dropped the price for a pint of Guinness. The thought of keeping all the clowns away from DC had me downright giddy at the prospect.

How would they do it, I pondered. Even if you built a wall around DC to keep clowns out, there would still be a massive number to capture and deport. Would they have enough tiny little clown cars available to round them all up?

It was all so very exciting.

Imagine my disappointment when – after the commercial break – I discovered the news reporters were talking about banning clowns from the annual Georgetown Halloween Party and not government.

Well, HONK my nose and call me Zippy.

Apparently, America is whacked out over the sudden appearance of people dressed as clowns. The resulting hysteria has caused store chains to quit selling clown masks. Schools and cities are banning the wearing of clown costumes for Halloween festivities. And police are actually bringing charges against people walking around in clown masks.

Even Ronald McDonald is hiding out – taking a PC vacation from PR until the hysteria ends.

I don’t get it. Somewhere we’ve lost our way. Because personally, it’s the clowns without masks that are scaring the living bejeebers out of me.

Our presidential election has become a three-ringed circus. The election is causing me far more clown anxiety than some kid wandering the streets in a Bozo mask. Watching the progress of the 2016 presidential campaign is like walking down the midway with barkers hollering at you as you go.

“See the amazing flip-flopping man,” shouts a man in a red sequined suit and black top hat. “He’s for taxes and then he’s against them. He’s for abortion and then he’s against it. He’s for gun control and then he’s against it. How does he do it? Step inside. Step inside.”

On the other side of the midway, a similarly dressed barker in blue sequins also shouts for your attention. “Come and see the astounding coughing woman,” he declares. “She can quit coughing. Ask her anything. Benghazi? Emails? Open Borders? All she does is cough.”

Gary Johnson’s barker is kept way on the outskirts of the midway, but that’s okay. Gary’s ingested a bit too much of the medicine he’s selling. When asked questions, he replies like a stoner trying to remember the phone number for Dominos.  

Jill Stein is a circus no-show – the human generated methane was too environmentally unfriendly, I suppose.

The University of Florida is offering tax-funded, hand-holding for any student “troubled” by this year’s Halloween costumes. In the shadow of such political correctness, join me at Circus Mojo in Ludlow as I offer similar guidance for those troubled by this election. I’ll be the one in the big red shoes.

Find out more about Rick Robinson and his award winning novels at

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