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Rick Robinson: Patton, the Sequel

As I watched the drama at the White House this week, I could not help but envisioning it as a sequel to the role that won George C. Scott an Oscar for Best Actor.

Opening scene: cue the opening theme to Patton (1970). General John F. Kelly strides to center of the stage in the Rose Garden to address White House staff for the first time as Chief of Staff. A large American flag serves as a backdrop.

“Be seated.

“Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won an interim election by losing for his party. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard lose for his party.

“All this stuff you've heard about America not wanting tax reform, wanting to stay out of a conference committee, is a lot of horse dung. Americans, traditionally, love lower taxes. All real Americans love paying less.

“When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, the big league ball players, the toughest boxers. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time. Now, I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a candidate who lost and laughed on SNL. That's why Hillary lost and will never win. Because the very thought of Hillary winning is hateful to Fly-Over Americans.

“Now, the White House is a team. It lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Saturday Evening Post don't know anything more about real battle than they do about fornicating.

“Now, we have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit, and the best opposition research in the world. You know, by God, I actually pity those poor bastards we're going up against. By God, I do. We're not just going to beat the bastards. We're going to cut out their tweets and use them to grease the top lines of our polls. We're going to beat those lousy Dem bastards by a veto-proof majority.

“Now, some of you, I know, are wondering whether or not you'll chicken-out under fire and leak documents. Don't worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. The Dems are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill their chardonnay. Unfriend them on Facebook. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's political future, you'll know what to do.

“Now there's another thing I want you to remember. I don't want to get any messages from the Senate Republicans saying that they are holding our nominations. We're not holding anything. Let the Dems do that. We are advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything - except Wasserman-Schultz’s laptop. We're going to hold Schumer by the nose, and we're gonna kick him in the ass. We're gonna kick the hell out of him all the time, and we're gonna go through him like crap through the Mooch!

“Now, there's one thing that you will be able to say when you get to the next convention, and you may thank God for it. Thirty years from now when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you, "What did you do in Trump’s White House?" - you won't have to say, "Well, I shoveled shit at the RNC."

“Alright now you sons-of-bitches, you know how I feel. That is all.”

Rick Robinson’s latest novel, The Promise of Cedar Key, is available on Kindle.

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